Better Days
by Lynnlee22
Summary: What if the truth doesn't set you free? Philly-centric
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: This is the result of a stubborn plot bunny that does not fit within the confines of my current Philly story. Hope you enjoy!**

A smile crept across her face as she watched them, their joy almost contagious. Phyllis leaned back on the bench, shielding her eyes from the bright sun. The woman was, she'd guess, in her late twenties-the man the same, perhaps a few years older. The thin gold band on her hand sparkled in the sunlight.

Perhaps he'd been away on business for a while, maybe he was in the military, or maybe they had argued and respective stubborn streaks and pride had kept them apart. Whatever the reason, it was clearly behind them now. The woman still stood, her arms wrapped tight around her husband's neck, her face buried in the curve of his shoulder.

Minutes passed before the two separated, walking hand in hand out of the park.

Phyllis breathed in, her throat tighter than she expected, her eyes stinging with tears. She tried to envision herself there. She struggled to imagine running into Jack's arms, tried conjuring a scenario that would fill her with so much joy and emotion. Just this morning he'd left on a business trip that would take him out of town for a week. It had taken effort to even feign dread at the separation. When had it all changed? When had she lost that love and passion?

Another image...this one of a different man. This time the scenario didn't seem so difficult to imagine. Being away from Billy these past few weeks had been torture. It was as if she was being drained-as if her energy and spirit were literally being siphoned from her body.

More than once Jack had questioned her melancholy mood, her pale complexion, her lack of interest in anything-especially him. Since then she'd been more careful, being sure to plaster on a smile. It was exhausting.

She didn't want to smile. The only thing she wanted was Billy.

* * *

"Phyllis?"

It sounded so real-as if he was right there right in front of her.

"Phyllis? You ok?" He brushed his hand lightly across her cheek. Her skin felt warm, the sun still shining down on her.

She jumped, the feeling of his hand on her skin startling her. Her eyes opened and she sat up straight.

"Billy." She swallowed, still struggling to get her bearings. "What are you...Where?" She looked around, her eyes falling on familiar surroundings. The park. She remembered being here earlier, seeing the couple, and then...

"I must have fallen asleep," she said quietly, glancing up at him. She reached down quickly, her hand searching for her purse. "My purse..."

"I have it," Billy said quietly. He took a seat beside her on the bench, his eyes studying her. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah-absolutely. I'm fine. I've just been burning the midnight oil at Jabot. No rest for the wicked, right?" She smiled.

"Right...well, there are better places to grab a nap you know." Something was off. The story was a little too perfect, the smile..a little too big.

"Point taken." Phyllis nodded and stood reaching over and taking her purse from his hands. "I should go." She couldn't stop the sharp intake of breath as she felt Billy's hand take hers.

"Wait," he said. "Don't go."

She knew she should protest. She should walk away, go home, and call her husband. She should, but she didn't want to. Her husband wasn't the man in front of her, but the man in front of her made her feel things her husband never could.

Fighting her feelings, fighting with Jack, fighting with Billy. She was so damn tired of fighting. She was tired of lying-to Billy, to Jack, but most of all to herself.

* * *

Billy emerged from the kitchen. "I'm glad you agreed to come back here." He handed her a glass of water before sliding his fingers down her cheek again. "I think you got a little sun out there today. Your cheeks are all rosy."

"At least I wasn't wearing sunglasses," she smiled, "That would have been attractive."

He forced a smile. "I've got some noodles. I can throw together a pasta salad. It won't be anything fancy, but it'll kill hunger."

"You don't have to do that. I'm fine."

"You're not fine, Phyllis." The words came out in a rush, his voice harsh, his tone betraying his concern and frustration.

She stopped, her body shifting away from him. The walls going up as clearly as if they were tangible objects.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, moving closer to her. "I didn't mean it to come out like that. I'm just...these past few weeks haven't been good for me. I've been sitting in this house thinking about you, replaying every moment of our time together...I can't function. I don't eat. I don't sleep. Working is a joke. I'm just going through the motions of my life."

He looked at her. The sadness in her eyes killed him.

"And you know-I could live like that. I could make my peace with that if I knew you were happy. If I knew my being miserable meant that you got to be happy, I'd do that. I would do that for you, but that's not what's happening here. I'm watching you. Every day you look a little less alive-a little less present-a little less invested in your life. You force a smile and a laugh, but your eyes can't lie. Your eyes tell the story."

His hands trembled as he cradled her face, her green eyes now wet with tears.

"These aren't the eyes of a happy wife. These aren't the eyes of a contented women. These eyes are full of resignation, fear, regret."

Phyllis pulled back, pulling her face from his hands. "I don't want to feel those things, but I don't know how to fix this anymore. Even if we tell Jack the truth, how can we live with this...how can we be happy knowing what we've done to him." Her shoulders shook as her sobs finally broke.

Billy gathered her in his arms, his embrace calming her, her hands softly stroking her hair. They remained like this for a while, until her sobbing stopped and her breathing slowed.

"I like holding you," he whispered, "I mean, I hate to see you upset, but I like being able to make it better. I always want to make it better." He glanced down, noticing for the first time that her eyes had closed.

He leaned back against the couch, softly pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I will make this better," he whispered.


	2. Chapter 2

He opened his eyes. The light of the setting sun streamed in through the window behind him. Phyllis lay still, her eyes still closed, her body still curled against his. Looking down at her, he softly kissed her face, smiling as her eyes fluttered at his touch.

"Hi," he whispered, his voice low and warm.

Phyllis moved slightly. "How long have I been here?"

"Not too long," he answered, holding her close to him as she tried to sit up. "And not nearly long enough."

It was constant-the pull to him, the desire to throw all caution to the wind and give in to what would be easy, what would feel good, what would make her happy, but she swore she wouldn't be that selfish-not again.

"I can't stay," she whispered, her voice betraying her disappointment. "I need to get home..Jack could call and he'll expect me to be there."

"Call? Jack's not home?"

"He's out of town on business this week." She could already see it in his eyes, the idea of it.

"Billy, I can't," she said softly, "We can't keep doing this."

"We can't sit on a couch together? Take a nap?" He glanced up at her a smile spreading across his face. "What are we doing here that's so wrong?"

God she loved him. That mischievous glimmer in his eyes sent her heart into over drive. She couldn't stop her own lips from curving into a smile in return and she had to look away as she felt her cheeks flush with desire.

"You know what I mean and you know this," she gestured to the couch, "would just be the first stop if I stay here much longer." She reluctantly pulled her body from his arms and stood.

He sighed, standing up to face her, "I'm not going to push you and I'm not going to pressure you, but know that you have somewhere to come-you have someone here that wants you." He pressed his lips to her forehead allowing his face to rest against hers a few moments longer than necessary.

He stepped back, his heart wrenching in his chest as she nodded and smiled slightly at him before walking out the door.

* * *

Coming home to an empty house shouldn't feel this way, she thought as she strolled into the dimly lit foyer. She used to hate it when Jack had out of town meetings. She'd wander around the house feeling as if something was missing without his presence. Her heart would beat faster when she heard his car in the driveway. She missed him, needed him, wanted him, was in love with him. Was.

Now-tonight-she felt entirely different. As she placed her purse on the coffee table and sat down on the couch, she realized this feeling was one of relief. She was relieved that her husband wasn't home tonight. She was grateful that she didn't have to plaster on the happy smile and pretend as if she wanted to be here. She didn't know how much longer she could play this game. She wanted to do the right thing. She needed to believe that she'd changed, become a more caring, selfless person. She could lie to Jack. She could lie to Billy. She could fake being the happy wife, but how long could she lie to herself?

It was all beginning to take a toll on her. She felt terrible, exhausted, as if she no longer had the desire to do anything. She wanted to go upstairs, crawl into bed, and forget everything, but even climbing the stairs seemed an unimaginable task. Pulling her legs up onto the couch, she let her head fall against the small throw pillow.

She brought her hand to her face. Her skin felt sticky and cool beneath her fingertips. Her head felt heavy and unnaturally clouded-as if the slightest thought required incredible concentration. If she didn't know better, she'd swear she was hungover though she hadn't had a drop in days. She moved to sit up, the room spinning around her. Her fingertips gripped the edge of the sofa, her feeble attempt to steady herself. Something wasn't right. She could her heart racing, so much so that she half expected to be able to see her blouse rise and fall with each palpitation.

Her hands shook as she reached for the phone, her mind foggy, but one thought still very clear. She needed help and she needed it now. She needed him.


	3. Chapter 3

Her hand trembled as she held the phone to her ear, the simple action proving difficult as the room seemed to spin around her. Black edges seemed to rush in towards her eyes as if she was trapped in a tunnel that didn't exist. The ringing of the phone was barely audible over the sound of her own heartbeat pounding.

* * *

Billy closed his eyes and leaned back against the couch. These were the nights that haunted him-the nights where he faced the ugliest of truths. He was alone. His children were with their mother. The woman he loved was in her home-the one she shared with her husband, his brother. And where was he? He was alone with his dreams that could never happen and his wishes that could never come true.

His cell phone rang. He didn't want to talk. He was wallowing and he was all in now, but as his eyes glanced down at the caller ID, he stilled.

"Phyllis?"

* * *

She could hear the question in his voice, but she couldn't explain. She exhaled, the sounds escaping in sputters as she struggled to stop the trembling.

"B-B-Billy," she managed, before drawing in another shaky breath. The darkness seemed to want to swallow her whole and she gripped the phone tighter as she tried to speak again.

"Ple...Please..."

The wave broke then and suddenly there was nothing-only black.

* * *

"Phyllis!" Billy called her name louder now, already on his feet and grabbing for his keys. "Phyllis-Are you there? Can you hear me?"

Silence. He slammed the door behind him as he ran towards his car at full speed. Something was very wrong.

Billy jerked the wheel, turning fast into the driveway. He humped from the car and barrel led to the front door, using his fist to beat on the heavy wooden piece.

"Phyllis!" he called. "Phyllis, it's me. It's Billy. Let me in."

"Dammit," he muttered, jumbling through his keys and finding his copy. He pushed open the front door, his eyes immediately scanning the room for her presence.

"Phyl..." He stopped as he saw her, his body immediately rushing forward.

Billy grabbed the phone and placed it back on the couch. He carefully placed his hand behind her head, glancing upwards gratefully when he saw no blood and felt no wound. Her chest rose and fell quickly, her face felt cold and clammy.

He felt his own hands tremble slightly as he called for an ambulance. He didn't know what happened. He didn't know how long she'd been unconscious. He didn't know about any other symptoms. He didn't know anything.

The idea of it made him feel sick. She was the woman he loved-someone he'd protect at all costs and yet he couldn't even answer the most basic of questions. He looked down at her, as he cradled her head in his hands. Shifting slightly, he sat on the floor, now allowing her head to rest in his lap.

"You hang in there," he whispered.

* * *

"Stitch...Stitch..Come on, Please...You know me. I just want to know she's ok. I'm not asking for any kind of private medical information here."

"Billy." Stitch sighed, "We've been through this. I can't tell you anything. I can't even confirm that we have anyone by that name as a patient."

Billy huffed, slamming his hand down on the counter. "I know she's a damn patient. I'm the one that called the ambulance. It only makes sense that I should be told about her condition."

"I'm sorry, but if you want answers about her treatment, you're gonna need to get them from her," Stitch replied, gesturing towards the room door.

"Wait, so she's awake?" Billy felt his heart begin to race. He'd made a deal with himself that he wouldn't even allow himself to consider that she wouldn't make it or that anything horrible was going on. Somehow, however, that hadn't stopped the small slivers of doubt from seeping into his brain and terrifying him.

"She's not 100%," Stitch admitted, but she'll know you're here and maybe she can help you get some questions answered.

Billy nodded. Phyllis was awake. That was one wish answered.

* * *

He slowly entered the room, his body relaxing as he saw her face. Her color was better and her eyes, though heavy, were slightly open.

"It's good to see those eyes," he said quietly, brushing his lips against her fingertips as he gently gripped her hand in his.

"Sorry that I scared you. I just...I didn't know who else to call."

"No..I'm glad you called me. You can always call me. I want you to." The words came out in a rush...so fast...to fast. He let go of her hand and rubbed his own over his face. Desperation was not an attractive quality.

"I just mean-I always want you to know I'm here and if you need me you can call. I'll be here."

She smiled. "I know you will."

"What did the doctor say?" he asked, hoping the question sounded more nonchalant than it felt.

"He said my blood sugar bottomed out and my blood pressure was way too low. It's probably just stress and dealing with everything around here. He's running a few more tests just to be safe, but he's pretty sure it's just stress-related."

He winced. Stress. He was the stress. They were the stress, their love, their relationship, their existence could have caused all of this.


	4. Chapter 4

Billy struggled to stretch his legs out in front of him. His body ached from being in the same position for hours, but he hadn't dared move. The room was so still and quiet. With the door closed, the noise of the hospital hallway was barely discernible and, save the dripping of the IV, there was calm.

This wasn't a perfect circumstance, and certainly not one he would have chosen, but he couldn't deny having enjoyed these hours with her. The simple pleasure of sitting beside her, comforting her, holding her hand, listening to her breathe.

A quick rap on the door interrupted the serenity of the moment and Billy turned in the direction of the doorway as he felt Phyllis stir.

Stitch stood just inside the room, chart in hand. "Phyllis, I have the rest of your test results back and there's something I'd like to discuss with you." His gaze moved over to Billy.

"I'm afraid you're going to need to step outside."

Billy opened his mouth to speak but stopped when he felt her hand on his arm.

"Why?" Phyllis asked, her voice shaking. "Why does he have to leave. You said this was nothing serious. You said it was stress related."

Stitch cleared his throat and glanced over at Billy again. "Actually, what I said was that I thought it was likely stress related but that we needed to do some additional tests to rule out any other causes. That's what we did and that's what I need to speak with you about."

He turned to Billy, this time speaking directly to him, "If you'll just step outside for a moment, I'll let you know as soon as I'm..."

She gripped his arm tighter, her voice breaking now as she spoke, "No. He can stay...whatever you need to tell me, he can hear. I want him to stay."

She forced herself to breathe, feeling it necessary to remind her body to things that should be voluntary. Her throat felt tight and small as if an invisible pair of hands had been wrapped around her neck. She looked over at Billy, her eyes betraying her fear and his hand instantly found her. The warmth of his skin soothed her and she squeezed his fingers tight.

Looking back at Stitch, she took a breath, "Just tell me. What is it? What's wrong with me?"

Stitch shook his head. "I think I may have given you the wrong impression," he said quietly. "I just wasn't sure this was something you would want to share with others."

"I don't understand," Phyllis muttered, "you're saying I'm not sick?"

"No..you're not sick-Phyllis, you're pregnant."

* * *

"Pregnant?" The word fell from her mouth and hung in the air for a moment.

"Are..Are you sure?" she managed, her mind still spinning.

Stitch smiled. "Blood tests don't miss and we checked and double checked the results." He paused for a moment. "I'm guessing by your reaction this isn't something you and Jack were expecting?"

Billy stood and walked over to the table. He poured water into a small cup and stepped over, offering it to her. He'd like a drink of a much stronger variety.

"No..no it's not." She reached out, taking the cup from his hands. Her eyes met his for a moment. She saw the question, but didn't know how to answer.

He forced himself to look away, realizing it had been too long since he'd spoken.

"If.." His voice betrayed him, the heightened emotion restricting his throat to the point that he felt hoarse. He cleared his throat and swallowed hard, willing himself to continue, "If she's pregnant then these problems she's having...they're normal or not?"

Stitch glanced back down at the chart. "Low blood pressure is somewhat common in early pregnancy and low blood sugar can happen easily especially if you aren't on a good meal schedule. It's impossible to know the stage of pregnancy without a sonogram, but judging by your levels, I'd say you're probably somewhere between six to nine weeks. Given that, the symptoms you're experiencing could be perfectly normal, however, I see in your records that you've had some issues in the past, so I'd feel better if I called in an OB consult to check things out before we send you on your way."

"Yes," Phyllis replied, "I'd appreciate that." Even as she spoke, her voice sounded so far away. This couldn't be happening.

Stitch made a note on the chart. "I'll get that set up right away. Is there anything you need? Anything I can get for you? Have you called Jack...I can have someone at the nurse's desk contact him for you if you'd like..."

"No!" She took a sharp breath in, silently cursing herself. "I'm sorry," she said sheepishly, "it's just that Jack can be such a worrywart and I wouldn't want to upset him when everything is probably fine. I'd just like to give him the news under happier circumstances." She felt sick, both at the addition of yet another lie and at the ease in which she now told them.

"Of course," Stitch smiled, waving slightly as he walked from the door.

Billy stood, his back to her. He waited to hear the click of the door before turning, his eyes staring into hers. He pulled the chair back over to the bed, sitting down and closing his eyes before offering his hand.

He felt her hand in his and he opened his eyes to look at her. Her eyes shone with tears.

"Hey," he said gently, reaching up to touch her face. "I know this is a shock. It's not what you expected, but we'll figure this out. Regardless of whose baby this is..."

"Wait...Wait, Billy.."

He stopped, the look in her eyes telling him not to argue but to listen.

"Billy," she continued, "Jack and I...until recently..." She glanced away for a moment never remembering a more uncomfortable moment. "Until recently, Jack and I weren't together. If Stitch is anywhere close with his dates..."

His breath caught and for a moment he was sure his heart stopped beating. The entire world slowed to a crawl as he waited for her to finish-for the sentence to be complete...

She felt her eyes sting as she said the words. "This is your baby, Billy."


	5. Chapter 5

Silence had never seemed so loud. She sat completely still afraid to move, speak, or even breath-afraid any action on her part might send him heading for the door. It wasn't as if she didn't believe him when he said he loved it, it was simply the magnitude of this new reality. She'd like to run away herself...to a place she could pretend this didn't exist if only for a moment.

She blinked and felt the warmth of a tear escape her eye and trail down her cheek.

He moved then, his hand brushing her cheek and moving to settle around her neck. His eyes stared into hers for a long moment.

These were the same eyes she'd looked into hundreds of times, but tonight she couldn't read the message they conveyed. She moved her face against his hand, desperate to evoke a response. This was not the time for a role reversal. Billy was always the open one, the one who encouraged her to say what she felt. Tonight, when it mattered most, he seemed to be shutting down.

His head felt heavy as he watched her-like he had stood up too quickly only he hadn't moved. His mind raced with thoughts yet he was unable to focus long enough to process any of them. Her words echoed over and over. This was his baby. His baby.

"I'm so sorry, Billy."

His head snapped at attention. Sitting up straight, he blinked, looking at her with confusion, "What?"

She took in a shaky breath, the tears flowing freely now. "I said I'm sorry. I know this isn't what you signed up for."

"No...No..No.." He shook his head furiously as he whispered the word over and over again. Cradling her face in his hands, he gently wiped away the tears. "I don't ever want to make you cry, ok?" He reached over, grabbing a tissue from the bedside table and handing it to her.

He smiled. "I'm not upset. I'm just surprised...you're full of surprises though. I guess I should get used to that."

Phyllis sighed. She couldn't let him pass this off as a blip. This was huge. This would change everything...for both of them...forever.

"Billy," she countered, "What are we going to do? How are we..."

He shook his head, taking her hands in his. "Right now, the only thing we are going to worry about is getting out of here with a clean bill of health." His lips brushed against her cheek softly. "As for everything else, we'll figure it out when the time comes. As long as you and this baby are healthy-the rest will just have to wait."

* * *

Jack swiped the keycard and pushed open the hotel room door. The smell of fresh flowers floated in the air and he sighed as he saw the champagne on ice. He'd planned to ask Phyllis to come with him on this trip. Though he had business, his meetings were sporadic and there would have been plenty of time to enjoy some down time.

In the end, he hadn't even asked. His heart couldn't handle another no. He sighed heavily, making quick work of hanging his suits in the closets before reaching into the front pocket of his suitcase and pulling out the framed photo.

He walked over to the bed and sat down, placing the frame on the bedside table. "Where did it go so wrong, Red?"

* * *

"And you're sure you're ok?" Billy stood by the bed, pulling the covers up a bit more.

Phyllis smiled. "I'm sure...honestly. I really feel much better. You don't have to stay. I know it's..." She paused. She didn't have the right words to describe what this situation truly was.

"I'm staying. No arguments. I'll sleep downstairs on the couch." He placed her phone on the pillow beside her. "If you need me, just call me. I'll have my phone right beside me."

"Thanks," she said quietly.

"You don't ever have to thank me." He leaned down, his lips gently pressing against her forehead. "In the morning, I'll run out and pick up your prescription and some groceries if you feel up to staying here by yourself for a bit."

"Th.." she began, then stopped herself. "You don't have to do all this." She looked at him, her eyes more serious now. "You don't have to act like this is no big deal. It's a very big deal. We can talk about this. We need to talk about this."

She shifted her legs over slightly as he sat on the bed beside her. "You're right. It is a big deal and we do need to talk about it...but not tonight." He leaned down, kissing her lips. "Tonight you need to get some rest."

* * *

Jack stirred as his cellphone vibrated furiously on the bedside table. He glanced at the screen. This was not a number he recognized. Perhaps a business associate from the week's upcoming conference?

"Jack Abbott," he said, holding the phone to his ear and waiting for a response. Nothing. "Hello?"

The automated message played. Jack listened as the chipper woman's voice happily informed him of a problem with his prescription. He shook his head, pressing the callback number.

"Yes, Hello this is Jack Abbott. I received an automated message a few moments ago concerning a problem with a prescription."

He waited for a response.

"Right. Yes I'm afraid there's been some sort of mistake as I haven't filled any prescription lately and..."

He listened as the pharmacist explained.

"No..nothing has been called in for me. Yes. Phyllis Abbott is my wife. Oh..it's her prescription?"

Jack sighed, running his hand over his face. Had Phyllis been driven to antidepressants to deal with their marriage.

"Right..well, what's the problem?"

He listened again as the voice on the other end of the phone droned on about generic equivalents and insurance tiers. One name, however, caught his attention.

Jack stood, suddenly tense, his face flushed, "Dr. O'Brien," he said, quietly, "she called in the prescription, right? And can you give me the name of the medication again, please? I just want to make sure I've got the name right so I can call the office in the morning."

Jack scribbled the name on the pad before thanking the pharmacist and disconnecting the call. His fingertips punched at the touchscreen frantically as he waited for the screen to load. His eyes read the words as reality hit. His next call was to the pilot.


	6. Chapter 6

Nineteen minutes-that's how long it had been since he last creeped up the stairs and peered into the darkened bedroom. He could see her fluffing the pillow, folding the covers, changing positions and he knew she wasn't asleep. Still he'd forced his feet back down the stairs to start the clock again.

This time he stood outside the door as he listened to the sound of soft sobs. He could, and probably should, respect her privacy, but seeing her there-watching her shake with the weight of the world on her shoulders nearly broke him. He wanted nothing more than to go to her, take her in his arms, and make it all go away.

"Phyllis?" he said quietly, slowly pushing the door open and hesitantly stepping into the room.

She jumped, furiously wiping at her eyes. "Billy-what are you doing up here?"

He walked over to the bed, the light from the window casting just enough light on her face for him to see the tears. "I just wanted to check on you." He sat down, reaching out and tucking the hair behind her ear. "You want to tell me what's wrong?"

She sniffed, "it's nothing."

He laid back, pulling her closer to him. He felt her relax as her head found its familiar resting place on his chest. Sighing, he ran his fingers through her hair. "It's not nothing. Why were you crying?"

His fingertips lifted her chin slightly, his eyes staring into hers. "Talk to me," he implored.

She lay quiet for a moment before allowing the air to escape her lungs in a long sigh. Somehow, in his arms, life seemed a little more manageable.

"I don't really know," she admitted. The timid sound of her voice wasn't something she recognized in herself. "I think everything just kind of hit me."

Billy nodded, his hands stroking her back softly. Tonight had been one he wouldn't soon forget. "I know. I know it's a lot to take in and I know you're worried about Jack and.."

"It's not just Jack. What about Victoria? How do you think she's gonna feel about this and what about your kids? How's this gonna impact your relationship with them?"

"Shhhh...stop...you can't control that and neither can I. That's not something you need to be worrying about right now." He kissed her forehead, allowing his lips to stay there for a moment before pulling away.

"Listen-I don't have all the answers but I promise that you won't have to deal with this alone. Whatever happens, we'll deal with it together."

He felt her nod against his chest and he brought her hand to her lips for a kiss before moving to swing his legs off the side of the bed. "You need to get some sleep," he whispered.

"Wait," Phyllis reached for his hand, pulling him back towards her. "Do you think you could stay here?" She immediately caught the look in his eye and looked away. "Forget it...never mind. It's too weird."

"No...No..if you want me to stay, I'll stay."

She smiled, looking up at him, meeting his gaze. "I do," she said quietly. "It's just...when you tell me everything is going to be ok and then you hold me," she paused, moving close to him again as he settled down beside her, "I believe you."

Billy smiled, wrapping his arms around her as she curled up against his chest.

* * *

Jack squeezed the back of his neck, trying in vain to relieve some of the tension that had settled there. From the moment he'd ended the phone call with the pharmacist, his thoughts had been a jumbled mess of questions, concerns, and regrets. He couldn't understand why Phyllis hadn't told him. Why she had let him leave on business without knowing such important news-unless of course, she hadn't known herself. And why was she visiting the doctor? Was she ill? Had something happened? If she'd needed him and he hadn't been there, he'd never forgive himself. Why didn't he ask her to come with him? Why didn't he just stay home? Why had he let things get so bad? Could he fix them?

"Sir? Sir!" the driver's voice echoed in the car.

Jack blinked hard. "Sorry...I'm sorry. I was just thinking. I wasn't paying attention." He grabbed his bag and handed the driver the money. "Thank you," he muttered, and climbed from the car.

His driveway had never seemed longer than it did tonight.

* * *

Jack stopped short behind the car that sat in the driveway. "Billy." He allowed the name to fall from his lips and he stood in place for a moment. Perhaps Jill and Colin were back in town and Billy didn't want to share quarters he thought, continuing his walk towards the door.

He opened the door, the darkened room proving little welcome. It was late, he reasoned. She should be in bed, especially now...since. Jack smiled, allowing himself to imagine the reality for the first time. He and Phyllis had almost had this dream before. Years ago this had been something they'd hoped for. Maybe now, this was the answered prayer they needed. Maybe this baby would bring the two of them together again.

Jack climbed the stairs quicker now, the hope of the moment propelling him forward. He stood outside the bedroom door and slowly pushed it open. "Red," he whispered, the door opening wide enough for him to see end.

Billy's eyes opened quickly and he felt Phyllis jerk away from him. He stood, his eyes staring into those of his brothers.

"Jack," Phyllis whispered, "What are you doing home?"

Billy stood, smoothing his shirt. He glanced over at Phyllis who sat on the side of the bed, her face taut with worry. "Phyllis said you had business this week."

Jack nodded. "I did. I cancelled." He walked over, taking a seat beside her, his eyes never leaving hers. "I got a phone call." His voice was calm and not at all angry.

Billy watched him, waiting to determine his next move. If he knew anything, he was handling it far better than anyone ever would have expected.

"A phone call?" Her voice shook as she gripped the bed, afraid he'd notice her trembling hands if she neglected to keep them occupied.

Jack nodded. "I know, Phyllis." He touched her face. "I know everything."


	7. Chapter 7

"Everything?" She heard the tremble in her own voice as said the word.

Jack nodded, his hands moving down her face to rest on her shoulders, "The pharmacy called me-some kind of question about the insurance." He paused, smiling, his eyes bright and shining with the possibility of tears. "It's true isn't it? You're pregnant?"

She nodded, forcing a smile as he pulled her into his arms, kissing her cheek before embracing her.

Billy walked across the room, his eyes meeting hers for a moment as he passed them. He stood in front of the window, staring out into the darkened night. This wasn't a moment he should be apart of, yet he was more apart of this moment that his brother would ever imagine.

Jack pulled away, suddenly more serious. "What happened today? That doctor that called in the medicine-that wasn't your doctor. Where did you go?"

"Actually," she sighed, bracing herself for the barrage of concern, "I went to the hospital... but I'm fine," she added quickly, attempting to quell his almost instantaneous reaction.

"What happened?" His voice was so full of concern, so full of love and trust-she felt sick. She dropped her gaze, her eyes focused on her clasped hands in her lap.

Billy turned, taking a few steps back towards the two of them. "She uh...she must have started feeling dizzy or something here because she called me and I could barely understand her." His mind flashed back to that call-the drive over, the thoughts that raced through his mind, the fears that gripped his heart-

"When I got here she was on the floor-out cold. I called an ambulance and they got her to the hospital. Stitch thought it was low blood pressure and blood sugar at first maybe stress related." Billy paused as he saw Phyllis glance up at him, "and..."

He watched as Jack leaned in to kiss her, his hand resting on her still flat stomach. "You know the rest," he whispered sadly.

* * *

Billy carefully cradled the steaming cup of tea. Jack had gone to the pharmacy to pick up the medication. He'd even asked him to stay and take care of Phyllis. His brother trusted him. It never occurred to him that he might have it in him to betray him this way-to sleep with his wife, to fall in love with her, to have a child with her.

He made his way up the steps. The guilt was horrific, but Phyllis somehow made it all worth it. One look at her and every unpleasant thought, every awkward conversation simply faded away. These moments were worth every second he had to spend lying to his brother.

Her eyes opened as she heard noise at the door. One look at her and his mind cleared.

"Here," he said, handing her the cup, "careful it's hot." He smiled. "And it's decaf..I checked."

Phyllis smiled. "Thank you." She took a small sip before speaking. "God, Billy I don't even know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. We don't have to get into it tonight. You've got enough to deal with. I just want you to focus on you and this baby right now."

"Billy-I can't do that...we can't just pretend that this isn't happening." She stopped, watching a smile spread across his face. "Please tell me what part of this could possibly be amusing you right now."

He shook his head, laughing softly and lightly kissing her hand. "It's not...it's not funny. It's just-I mean, it's a little ironic that I spent months trying to convince you that this was real and now you're the one..."

"Billy," she huffed, her tone more exasperated than angry, "Jack's going to be back from the pharmacy soon and you want to spend time joking. This is serious."

"I know...it's very serious. That's exactly why I don't want to get into it. I want to be with you. You know that. I would love nothing more than to walk into the club and tell everyone we know that we're going to have a life together-that we're going to have a baby, but that would create chaos and heartache and stress." He stared into her eyes.

"That's the last thing you need right now. I want you with me, but to drop this kind of a bomb right now would be selfish. I'm not going to risk you or our baby for anything."

"So what," Phyllis looked at him confused, "so we just keep lying to Jack?" She took a breath, shaking her head slowly. "I don't know if I can do that. I mean this isn't just about us anymore-letting him think that he's going to be a father is...it's cruel."

His eyes held it all-the struggle, the divided loyalty, the need to protect her and their child right alongside the need to be true to his brother.

"Billy," she said softly, "Jack and I tried to have a child. We lost a child and then after everything with Summer...I just don't think I can keep something like this from him. I know that might not make sense considering what we've been doing and everything we've been keeping from him, but...this..."

She moved her hand across her stomach allowing it to rest there for a moment. "And maybe honesty will bring some good karma." Her eyes burned immediately, the thoughts she tried so hard to bury creeping their way into her mind, "maybe this time it won't..."

There was no need to finish. His arms were around her and she could hear his deep voice whispering to her. She closed her eyes willing the thoughts and fears to go away before leaning away from him.

"You understand?"

Billy nodded. "Do me one favor?" She nodded. "Get through the doctor's appointment tomorrow afternoon. Just make sure everything's ok. Afterwards you call me and we'll figure out how to tell him."

Phyllis breathed in deeply. One more day.


	8. Chapter 8

She stared up at the ceiling, her mind tossing and turning just as she had all night long. It had been around six when Jack had climbed from the bed, careful not to disturb her. She'd been perfectly still, keeping her eyes closed, her breathing steady-even as she felt his presence looming over her.

His hand brushed her face gently as she felt his lips touch her forehead. Only once she heard his footsteps moving down the hallway did she open her eyes and allow the tears to escape.

* * *

He turned the phone over in his hand again-the dark screen stared at him. He should be there. He needed to be there. This was his child. His-not Jack's.

Billy paced the floor furiously, his mind thinking of the look on her face when he left last night. She didn't want him to go. It was obvious, but neither of them knew how to fix this now. The thought of not telling Jack, of allowing him to believe this child was his, was unimaginable. He didn't want to hurt his brother, and he'd already done a bang up job by lying to him about his wife. He certainly couldn't lie to him about a child.

His night had been spent playing out scenarios, acting out vignettes in his mind, trying to determine which method caused the least damage...inflicted less pain. He thought of going to Jack himself and telling him. At least that way he could spare her the brunt of the anger, but would she be furious with him for overstepping?

Billy poured a bit of scotch into the glass and swirled in around in his mouth. "Liquid courage," he muttered.

* * *

"Red?" Jack called out her name softly as he stepped into the room. "You awake?"

Phyllis stood, stepping back from the mirror and turning towards him. "Yeah, good morning."

"I didn't realize you were up," he said with a smile, "and dressed. I was just coming up to see what you'd like me to have Mrs. Martinez prepare for breakfast, but since you're way ahead of me, maybe we can go grab a bite at the club?"

He walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and gently pulling her closer to him, "since we have something special to celebrate".

Her breath caught. "I uh...I'm sorry sweetie. Would it be okay if we didn't. I'm just not up for a big breakfast right now."

Jack leaned back, bringing his hand to her face, his eyes and voice full of concern. "Of course, it's fine. Is everything ok?"

"It's fine...it's just..it comes with the territory, you know..." She forced a smile, placing her hand on her stomach. "I'm just feeling a bit unsettled that's all."

He nodded, his arm still back as he led her over to the bed to sit. "What can I do?"

She swallowed hard, the sincerity and genuine concern in his eyes made her feel depths of guilt she hadn't thought possible. She took a shaky breath. "When I was pregnant with Summer, I used to drink ginger tea and it helped...a lot. Do you think maybe you could see if Mrs. Martinez could get some the next time she's out?"

"I'll do one better." He leaned down, placing a quick kiss on her forehead, "I'll run out and get some right now and get you a cup going. That way you'll be feeling better for the doctor later"

"Jack-you really don't have to do that. I don't want you to go through all that trouble."

"It's no trouble," he said softly, grabbing her hand and kissing it before heading for the door. He stopped, turning back and looking at her, "especially considering what you're doing for me."

The complaint had been exaggerated until that moment but as she sat there the guilt seemed to well up inside her. Minutes later she stood, splashing water on her face, her legs still trembling, her hands clutching the cool porcelain of the sink. She wrapped the cool rag around her neck as she pressed the buttons on the phone.

Relief flooded her body as she heard his voice.

"Phyllis?" His tone held a mix of surprise, pleasure, and a touch of concern. He hadn't expected to hear from her until after the doctor's appointment. That had been the agreement-the plan. If she was calling him now, something had changed or had something gone wrong...

"You ok?" He said, these words a little more tense.

"No," she said honestly and then, hearing his sharp intake of breath, quickly added, "I mean, yes...physically, yes. The baby's fine."

She heard him sigh and the relief in his voice was palpable as he breathed, "Thank God." He paused a minute, a quick laugh escaping, "God...Don't do that to me. You scared the hell out of me. I worry you know."

Though their relationship was still new, he felt so familiar to her. Even over the phone she could picture him, his hair tussled slightly, clad in a white t shirt and dark jeans, a nearly empty glass of scotch on the table in front of him. She could picture his face as he spoke, how his hands would run through his hair, how his hands rested on his hips-when they weren't on her.

"Sorry..I didn't mean to scare you."

He smiled. He couldn't pretend to be upset to hear from her. The sound of her voice instantly improved his mood. "Don't be. What's wrong? I thought we were supposed to talk after your appointment."

"I can't do it Billy"

He closed his eyes. He couldn't go through this again. Losing her after being so close had been devastating before, but now-he was losing both of them.

"Phyllis...you're the one that said it would be cruel to let Jack..."

"No," she interrupted, "I can't go to the appointment. I can't do that to him. You should see him, Billy...the way he's treating me, the way he looks at me.."

He could hear the breaks in her voice and he knew the tears were close.

"I feel so guilty. I can't lie anymore. I'm telling him..."

"Phyllis," Billy stood, already grabbing his keys. "I'm on my way, ok? Please don't do anything until I get there. I don't want you doing this alone."

There was silence.

"Phyllis!" His voice more insistent now. "Please...promise me."

He heard her take in a shaky breath. "I promise," she said softly.


	9. Chapter 9

Billy pulled into the driveway, his shoulders relaxing slightly, when he saw an empty space where Jack's car should be. He needed to see her first-before answering his brother's questions about his seemingly constant presence lately.

He walked inside, the smell of coffee drifting in from the kitchen. Mrs. Martinez, he thought. He should send her home. They wouldn't need an audience-not for this.

* * *

"Phyllis?"

Billy stepped into the bedroom slowly, his eyes moving to the slightly opened bathroom door. He walked closer, knocking hesitantly, "Phyllis?"

He pushed the door open as he heard the noise. He was on his knees beside before she had a chance to respond. "Hey...What's wrong? You ok?"

She shook her head, standing with his arm around her. "Yeah...I'm just...a little..." She stopped, breathing deeply again, attempting to quell the wave of nausea that threatened to bring her to her knees again. Gripping his arm a little tighter, she glanced up at him, "I've had better mornings."

He nodded, walking slowly with her over to the bed. "Tell me."

"It's Jack. It's the way he's handling this...the way he's treating me.."

Billy looked at her, confused, "What did he do? He seemed ok last night? Did he get upset? What did he say to you?"

"No..no...nothing like that-just the opposite actually. Jack's been wonderful. He's attentive and loving and he's so excited. Every time he says how happy he is about this baby..." She stopped, looking up at him, her eyes shining with tears, "it's like being punched in the gut. I can't do this to him...not one more minute."

Billy nodded. "I understand...I really do." He squeezed her hand gently. "I sent Mrs. Martinez home. I figured it would be best to not have anyone else here when we tell him."

"When we tell him?" Phyllis blinked. Her mind spinning.

"Yeah..I mean that's why I'm here, Phyllis. I'm not letting you go through this by yourself-especially now. Jack's gonna be furious and we don't know how he'll react or what he might do. I can't just leave you here to deal with this by yourself."

"I'm his wife, Billy. This is a conversation I need to have with my husband. You can't be involved in this."

"You're having my baby. I'm involved." He stood up quickly turning his back to her and taking a breath before facing her again. The look in her eyes crushed him. He hated knowing he had played any part in hurting her this way.

"I just want to protect you," he said softly. "I want yo make sure you're ok. I want to make sure you're both ok. Please don't ask me to walk away. I can't do that. Don't ask me to do that."

"I'm not...I don't want you too. I just need some time alone with Jack. Maybe you wait downstairs. Give Jack and I some time alone? If I need you, I'll call...I promise."

He smiled at her, his lips brushing against her cheek briefly. "Ok. If you're sure this is what's best."

"It is. I've got to do this. I've got to tell Jack the truth."

"The truth about what?"

* * *

Billy turned to see Jack standing in the doorway, a cardboard box in his hand.

"Sorry to interrupt," Jack said quietly, his eyes trained on Billy. He glanced over at Phyllis, lifting the box slightly. "Got the tea, but I can't seem to find Mrs. Martinez so it looks like I'll be making it myself."

Phyllis nodded. Her heart pounded. This wasn't over. He was too calm-far too calm.

Jack walked over to the side of the bed where he stood in front of the two of them, his fierce blue eyes staring down on them. "And I'll be glad to do it just as soon as you tell me this truth."

Billy took a breath. He could feel her tension as she trembled beside him. His brother's icy, cool demeanor was somehow far more damning than any screaming rage he could have imagined. It was almost as if he already knew-as if somewhere inside Jack had known all along and was just willing to pretend until right now, until right this moment, until something slapped him in the face and he couldn't pretend anymore.

Billy glanced over at her. His eyes asking the question-did she want him to go?

She nodded.

"I'll be downstairs," he said quietly, standing and beginning to move before he felt Jack's hand on his shoulder.

"Sit down."

It wasn't a request. Billy sat down slowly, his eyes drifting over to hers once more.

"Tell me the truth," Jack said slowly, his voice calm, steady and cold. He shifted his gaze from his wife to his brother, wondering which of them would break first. He'd suspected there was something but now-to know it, to see the connection, it made him sick inside. He wanted them to tell him. He needed to hear the words. No excuses. No lies. Just truth.

"Tell me the truth," he said again, his voice a little louder this time, his eyes shining a bit. His resolve was weakening. The calm, cold exterior was beginning to crack. Everyone deserves the truth, he thought to himself, but did he deserve this? What the hell had he done to deserve a betrayal of this magnitude?

"Jack," Billy began, sensing the palpable shift in tone. "I want you to know..."

"No," Phyllis interrupted. "I'll tell him." She stood, taking a step towards him, her eyes staring into his. She felt a tear escape as she watched the first trail down his cheek. He knew. He knew before she even said it. "I'm so sorry, Jack."

"My God.." He drew in a breath so deep it was painful. It was one thing to suspect, to feel certain, but to have the confirmation now-to finally not be able to deny it. He covered his face with his hands, his fingertips clawing at his skin-the physical pain a welcome reprieve from the emotional purgatory inside.

He looked at her. "How long?"

She looked away, taking a shaky breath. "Months," she admitted quietly.

His eyes closed as the final realization hit. "The baby? Is there any chance?" He knew. He already knew, but he had to ask. He needed to hear her say it.

"No."

"You need to leave." The calm returned.

"I'm so sorry, Jack. Please know that. I never meant for it to go this way. I..."

His eyes met hers once more, the expression one she hadn't seen before. "I said leave."

Billy stood, walking behind her quickly. "Let's go." He ushered her from the room as she glanced back over her shoulder.

They closed the door and stood still for a moment neither knowing what to say. They turned to leave as the sound of Jack's sobs began to echo through the hallway.

Billy wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him. She closed her eyes as she rested her head on his shoulder.


	10. Chapter 10

Billy turned the key in the door, holding it open and waiting for her to walk through. He watched her intently and she stepped over to the couch.

She sat on the edge, her hands clasped tight in her lap, her face still streaked with tears. Her shoulders trembled as she took stilted breaths. She felt his body as he sat down beside her and the warmth of his hand on her neck finally broke the shreds of composure that remained.

"It's okay," he whispered, trying desperately to convince her of something he still struggled with himself. "I'm here. I'm always gonna be here. We'll be ok." He felt her shake, her body still racked with sobs.

Gently he pulled away, his eyes staring into hers. "You gotta try to calm down, ok? This isn't good for you or the baby."

She took a breath, looking up at him, his words a gentle but poignant reminder of all that now connected them. "Our baby," she whispered.

* * *

"Let me." He reached out and gently took the clipboard and pen from her hand, squeezing her hand in his and kissing it softly before turning his attention to the forms in front of him.

Phyllis sighed. "I won't always be like this. I'm just..." She gripped her hands together, unable to stop the trembling. Each second brought another thought, each more worrisome than the last. This baby was a chance-a gift. What if...what if she wasn't allowed that happiness. She didn't deserve it after everything she'd done.

Billy watched her, her eyes betraying the private war she fought. He fought a similar battle when he lost Delia, one where he wondered if the pain and loss was a part of some divine plan. If Delia had to die so that he could somehow pay for his sins-so that he could hurt as much as he'd hurt others.

"Phyllis Abbott," the nurse called.

Billy extended his hand to her and he smiled as he felt her take it. They walked into the office.

"The doctor will speak with the two of you first. Then you'll be moved into an exam room," the nurse responded before exiting.

Phyllis nodded, taking a seat in a chair across from a large mahogany desk.

Billy sat beside her, his hand grasping hers again. "You ok?"

She squeezed his hand tighter, taking a deep, forced breath. "I'm trying to be," she admitted, looking over at him, her eyes meeting his.

"I know you're scared," he said quietly. "That's ok. You don't have to pretend with me."

There was something about the way he looked at her. It was as if he knew everything she thought and felt before she even said it.

"I couldn't if I wanted to," she said softly, "I think you might know me better than I know myself."

The sharp knock on the door brought the conversation to an abrupt end and they both turned as a middle aged man entered the room. He paused in front of both of them, extending his hand, and shaking their hands in greeting before walking behind the desk.

"Good afternoon," he said with a smile, "I'm Dr. Pittard and you must be Mr and Mrs Abbott."

Phyllis hesitated, her eyes darting over to Billy.

"I'm Billy Abbott," he said, quickly, "but we aren't married. I'm the father of the baby and we're..." He looked over at Phyllis, unsure how to qualify their relationship.

"It's all rather new." She felt the words tumble from her mouth. "It's complicated".

Dr Pittard raised his hands, a kind smile playing upon his face. "Please, don't feel like you need to explain. The only thing I'm interested in here is making sure your pregnancy isn't complicated."

Phyllis nodded, a relieved sigh escaping her lips.

"And trust me," the Dr. continued, "you couldn't shock me if you tried." He smiled at the two of them before opening the chart in front of him. "Now then, Dr. Rayburn sent me your chart and I've reviewed it. I understand you've had a history of miscarriages in the past and you had a bit of an issue recently with your blood pressure and your blood sugar. Is that correct?"

Billy piped up, "She passed out. That was last night..and today she hasn't been feeling well. She's been unsteady and nauseous...and you've been trembling."

Phyllis shook her head. "There's been a lot going on. I'm okay...honestly."

She watched as the doctor made notes on his chart.

"So you've been under stress recently?" he asked, glancing up at her?

The air left her lips in a quick huff. "Yeah, you could say that." She stopped for a moment realizing how cavalier her comment sounded. "But I know that's not good and I'm trying to stay calm. I don't want to do anything to put this baby in any jeopardy."

Dr. Pittard put his pen down. "Of course not. Based on what I've seen in your charts, I do think it's a good idea that Dr. Rayburn referred you here. We specialize in high risk pregnancies and we're going to do everything we can to make sure everything goes smooth for both of you."

He stood. "If the two of you are ready, we'll get you set up in the exam room." He turned to face Phyllis. "You can change into the gown and I'll be in in just a minute."

Phyllis stepped into the room. Billy stood in the hallway, his eyes following the doctor as he chatted with the nurse for a moment.

"Dr. Pittard," he said, his voice hushed so Phyllis wouldn't hear. "Do you have just a second for me to ask you a quick question?"

He led him down the hall a bit, glancing over his shoulder to ensure Phyllis was still inside the room. "What you said in there," he paused, swallowing hard, trying to take the advice he'd been constantly giving to Phyllis, "you called this a high risk pregnancy. What exactly does that mean?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Abbott. I didn't mean to alarm you-there's no reason to assume that anything is wrong at the moment. A high risk pregnancy is simply a term we use in the medical field to describe a pregnancy that is...somewhat predisposed to complications."

Billy felt his heart race faster. "Wait so you're saying that there's more of a chance something could go wrong?"

"Mr. Abbott, the only thing you need to worry about right now is keeping that one in there from worrying too much." He pointed to the exam room and smiled. "We are going to keep a very close eye on Mrs. Abbott and your baby and, if you'll let me get in that room, you'll be able to get your very first photo."

Billy nodded, following the doctor into the room. He walked over to the side of the exam table where Phyllis sat, her legs hanging over the side, her hands busily twirling her hair. He took her hand in his, bringing it to his chest. This was their chance. This was their time. This could be the beginning of their happily ever after.


	11. Chapter 11

Phyllis jumped a little as the cool gel hit her bare skin.

"Sorry," Dr. Pittard, whispered, " all this technology and they still haven't figured out how to manufacture a gel that isn't cold as ice." He smiled as Phyllis tried to force a smile in return.

He wasn't accustomed to the happy, carefree patient. By the time patients got to him, they'd usually been through their fair share of heartache. His hope was always to spare them any more.

He moved the transducer slowly across her stomach as silence filled the room.

Phyllis gripped Billy's hand tightly as she lay back on the table. She was trying to be calm, to believe that everything would be fine, but what if it wasn't...what if something went wrong...what if...

Her chest tightened as she forced herself to breathe.

Billy leaned closer to her, his lips touching her temple, kissing her softly. He said nothing-he simply looked at her, his eyes fixed on hers the connection between them more palpable than any words he could have said.

The room suddenly filled with sound. Phyllis sat up, her face brightening, "Is that?"

The doctor smiled. "Thought that might get your attention," he said softly. "That's a very strong heartbeat."

Phylis breathed, allowing her muscles to relax. She felt Billy's finger softly stroking her hand and she turned, her eyes meeting his. This wasn't a first for either of them, but you'd never know it by the way it felt. This was like a whole new beginning.

* * *

"And I'll give this to you," the Dr. said as he handed the black and white sonogram photo to Billy.

"Thank you," Billy whispered, nodding at the doctor as he took the photo. He looked at the image on the paper, holding Phyllis' hand in his. He smiled at her.

She wanted to be happy, to stare at the picture of their baby, to talk with Billy about their dreams for the future, but she couldn't allow herself that luxury. There was a reason they were back in this office and it wasn't for small talk.

"Why are we back here?" The words burst from her lips, her tone harsh. She faltered. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude...I just...".

The doctor smiled-an understanding smile-a smile that made her feel coddled, managed-the things she hated.

"Please don't sugarcoat things. I want to know the truth...the facts. I can handle it. I deserve it."

Billy looked at her, his eyes full of concern. "Phyllis, I don't think..."

The doctor interrupted. "Mr, Abbott, if you'll excuse me..". He walked around his desk, sitting on the desk directly in front of her. "You're exactly right-you do deserve the truth and I'll give it to you. I just need you to make me a promise first-I need both of you to promise me one thing."

Phyllis glanced over at Billy and nodded, grateful he still held her hand in his.

"I've been in this business for a long time. It's not always happy endings, but I take every case seriously. I know every single patient wants their baby to be my top priority and I promise you that I will do everything in my power to make sure you and this baby come through this happy and healthy. What I'm gonna need you two to do is trust me-can you do that?"

Phyllis nodded-smiling at Billy as she saw him nod as well.

"That's good," he continued. "Now you asked me why I brought you in here. I wanted to discuss some of the potential issues you could face with this pregnancy. I've found many times patients worry most about things they don't understand, so I like to be very upfront, tell you exactly what the risks are-what we'll do to prevent them, and what we can do to treat you if you do experience problems."

Billy could see the relief on her face as the doctor spoke. He couldn't have chosen a more perfect specialist for her. Phyllis needed this-the unfiltered truth, to be treated with respect, to be acknowledged as someone who was competent and capable. This doctor was giving her the information she wanted-the information she craved...he hoped it would also give her the peace she deserved.

* * *

Billy closed the door behind him as he followed her to the couch. He smiled as he sat down and put his arm around her. "So," he paused, kissing her shoulder while glancing up at her. "What do you wanna do?"

Phyllis turned, looking up at him, her eyebrows slightly raised.

"I didn't mean that," he laughed softly. "I was thinking we could order in, watch a movie..."

"That's very...wholesome," she smiled.

He leaned back feigning offense, "Phyllis Abbott, are you insinuating I cannot be wholesome?"

"It's just your motives are generally a little more..." She looked up at him, the smile spreading across her face as she saw the mischievous gleam in his eyes.

"Having trouble finding your words?" He grinned.

He leaned in closer to her, his fingertips toying with the collar of her shirt.

She drew in a quick breath. "Risqué," she whispered, running her hands up and across his chest. "I think risqué is a good word."

"I'm hurt," he teased, making quick work of the first few buttons before brushing his lips against the exposed skin of her neck. "I wasn't thinking anything of the sort."

"That's funny," she whispered, "you might want to tell your hands..". She closed her eyes as his lips continued their journey to her shoulder... "and your lips...".

Billy stopped, pulling away suddenly.

"Wait," she said quickly, her heart still racing. "I was kidding. I was just kidding."

"I know," he said softly. "I just didn't know...um...Is this...I mean..".

She studied his face, suddenly understanding his question. "Yeah, it's fine I mean the doctor didn't say anything about...". She smiled at him, her eyes twinkling...mischievous thoughts now dancing through her brain, "but the movie and takeout did sound good to me..."

"Oh, ok, well, let me grab the menus," He moved to stand and felt her pull him back down on the couch.

"Very impressive," she smirked.

"What?"

"You almost managed that without the look of total disappointment."

"I'm not disappointed." He wrapped his arms around her. "I don't have a one track mind you know. We can do other things together. Watching a movie and eating Chinese is a perfectly wonderful way to spend an evening." He paused, smiling at her, leaning in close-his face hovering close to hers. "Perhaps, you're the one that needs to reconsider her motives."

He smiled broadly as he leaned in to him. He felt her warm breath on her face-her lips hovering just above his. He pulled away for a second, teasing her.

"You trying to make me crazy?" She whispered.

"Crazy happy," he smiled.


	12. Chapter 12

Billy sat the breakfast tray on the floor outside the door and walked back into the room, taking his place by the bathroom door.

"You ok?" He asked, his face concerned.

"I think so," Phyllis managed, her voice still shaky. She gripped her stomach, still acutely aware it could lurch at any moment. "Is it gone?"

"Yeah," he smiled. "It's gone...not even in the room."

She stepped out of the bathroom slowly. "I'm sorry. It was a really sweet idea...I just." She swallowed hard, the image of the food on the tray causing her insides to quiver.

"No..you don't apologize...I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking...I was just trying to do something nice for you. I wasn't thinking about you being sick." He reached over to the nightstand, grabbing the small bottle of ginger ale. "What about this?" he smiled.

Billy adjusted the pillows on the bed before kicking off his shoes and climbing back on top of the covers. He extended his arms, wrapping them around her as she snuggled up against him.

"I know I should be telling you you don't need to do this, but I really needed this right now." She looked up at him, her eyes full of wonder as she studied his face. "How do you always know?"

He smiled, kissing her forehead, enjoying the feeling of her in his arms. "I know you." He met her gaze, his smile broadening. "You know that. I'll do anything I can to put that smile on your face."

Almost as if on cue, her eyes filled with tears.

"Hey..Hey..Hey...What's that about? I'm trying to put a smile on your face here. What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she sniffles, smiling up at him and wiping her eyes. "You better get used to this...this gets worse before it gets better. It's happy caring, sad crying, crying at commercials, children's books, absolutely no reason..."

"So which one is this?"

"Happy," she whispered, leaning in for a quick kiss. "I don't know what I would have done without you the last few days...and the fact that you're here now...I mean not that I wouldn't expect you to, but this wasn't what we planned and..."

"Being with you is everything I planned...everything I dreamed of...whatever this life holds for us...as long as we're together, I'm here. You can count on it."

* * *

Jack stared through the glass door. His eyes were cold. "I've got nothing to say to you."

"You don't have to say anything," Billy shouted, frustrated with being forced to talk through the door. "You can just listen or not..I just want to say a few things to you and I'd rather not scream them out here."

He sighed as he heard the door open.

Jack stepped back, still glaring at him. "Where's your other half?"

"Jack, don't...I want to explain..."

"You want to explain?! You want to explain how my wife is having a child with you?" His face displayed his disgust and anger. "Spare me the details. I can read between the lines."

"You know what, you can't hear anything I have to say right now, and I get that, so I'm just wasting my time. I came here to get Phyllis' things, so I'll just go do that now."

He turned, heading for the stairs.

Jack's hand gripped his shoulders. "That won't be necessary. I had all your girlfriend's belongings gathered up this morning. I'd expect them to be at your place right now."

Billy closed his eyes. "Damnit, Jack. Why the hell would you do that?"

Jack smiled. He was certain any number of people would advise him to be the bigger man, to take the high road, not to do things to hurt people-at least not intentionally, but those people could shut the hell up as far as he was concerned.

"I was just trying to be helpful. I thought you would appreciate the fact that I was expediting the process of getting Phyllis under your roof."

"The hell you did," Billy snarked. "You did this to hurt us...more specifically to hurt Phyllis."

Jack stared at him. "So what if I did? You two don't deserve any pain? You only inflict it? You get to blow up the lives of everyone around you, but if anyone dares to take a swing as you at you..."

Billy stepped close to him, his eyes foreboding, "See that's just it, Jack-you can take as many swings at me as you want. You can plot and scheme. You can hate me. You can do anything you want to me and I'll let it go. I'll accept it because I get it. What I did to you was something you'll never get past, but what I won't allow, what I can't let you do is torture Phyllis. You don't believe it, but she's tortured herself plenty for this. She never wanted to hurt you. The guilt nearly ate her alive and she wanted to tell you the truth. I know that doesn't make it better. I know it doesn't make this hurt any less, but hurting her-especially now-it's not right."

"And why should I be worried about her wellbeing?" Jack asked, his face still stern.

Billy sighed. "Because she's pregnant...Because you love her...Because she's a human being...Because this isn't who you are. This isn't you, Jack."

Jack stood still for a moment, quietly considering his words. His blue eyes were like ice as they stared into his. "They say there are moments that define a person. I had a moment like that recently-when I found out my wife and my brother had been having an affair...when I found out they were going to have a baby together...it changed things. It changed me. So that Jack you knew-the one that would that would never do something to hurt someone intentionally, he's not here anymore. He's gone and I don't think he's ever coming back."

* * *

Billy stepped into the living room, stepping over the bags. Garbage bags. He sighed, shaking his head as he looked around the room. He'd thrown her things into garbage bags. His eyes moved to the couch where a box sat, its lid lifted half off. He lifted it, looking inside. His breath caught in his throat as he picked up the shredded bits.

"Phyllis," he called her name as he stepped into the room.

She was on the bed, her face buried in pillows, her hand clenched around shreds of pictures.

He lay down beside her, pulling her close to him, holding her as she cried. "I'm so sorry he did this," he whispered. "You don't deserve this."

She moved slightly, her eyes looking up at him. "That's just it, Billy. Maybe we do deserve it. What if this is just the beginning. What if this is just the beginning of the things we'll have to go through to pay for what we've done."


	13. Chapter 13

**_8 Weeks Later_**

"What are you doing?" Billy smiled at her as he watched her from the doorway.

Phyllis jumped, turning around quickly and lightly swatting his shoulder as he stepped closer to her. "It's not nice to sneak up on people," she whispered, sighing as she leaned into his chest.

"I'm sorry, you just seemed so engrossed in your study of...was it your reflection?"

She grinned, blushing a bit.

"I mean, I get it, if I looked like that, I'd stare at myself all day too but.."

"Stop," she huffed, "I'm just...I don't...I don't remember being this big with Summer..not this soon."

Billy looked at her, his eyebrows raised, "Really? That's what you're worried about?"

"Seriously Billy! In the past three weeks things have really...". She moved her hands in front of her emphasizing her rounded middle.

"Maybe it's twins," he smiled, "or triplets"

"Yeah, you joke about stuff like that...you won't joke when we have to buy that economy van."

She sighed as she felt herself being pulled in close to him again.

"You know you're absolutely gorgeous, right?" He gently kissed her cheek before leaning back to look into her eyes. "You believe that don't you?"

"When you look at me with those eyes, I'll believe anything," she whispered.

"Really? These eyes?" He pointed at his eyes with a mischievous grin. "I'll have to remember that...these babies are a huge ace in the hole."

She smiled at him. "Seriously though...have I told you lately how grateful I am that you've been with me through all this? There's no way I would have made it though this without you. Between all the stuff with Jack and the divorce, the pregnancy and my anxiety, you've just been my rock through all of this this. You've been with me-right by my side."

"Of course I have," he said, touching her gently, "where else would I be? My favorite place to be is beside you."

* * *

The waiting room still put her on edge no matter how many times she sat there. Billy gripped her hand in his, locking eyes with her to try to calm her nerves.

"Hey," he whispered, "remember what the doctor said, this is just a precaution...everything looks fine."

"I know," she sighed, point to her head, "in here, it's here," she pointed to her heart, breathing in a shaky breath.

He leaned over, kissing her cheek. "I know, babe. I know." A smile flashed across his face and he gently nudged her chin up a bit, trying to lighten the mood, "We should be able to find out today, right?"

Phyllis smiled. Billy could always be counted on for that. No matter what happened, he could always find the bright spot, the silver lining. "Yeah, we should be able to. YOu want to find out? You don't want to be surprised?"

"Do you? I mean we can wait if that's what you want. I just thought maybe we'd had enough surprises...".

She laughed a bit. "You're right, we have had our share of surprises, haven't we?"

Phyllis smiled as the nurse appeared at the door. She felt Billy's hand squeeze hers supportively as they walked into the exam room. With him beside her, she always felt a little bit stronger.

* * *

Billy took a seat on the couch beside her. "I don't know when I've seen you quite like this," he laughed.

"Like what?" Phyllis struggled to speak, her mouth filled with ice cream and whipped cream.

"Like this," he grinned, leaning in and kissing her. "That is pretty good," he whispered, licking his lips as he pulled away. "Gotta take what I can get since someone won't share."

"You said you didn't want one," she teased.

"Actually what I said was that I had never heard of one and I'm still pretty sure this is something you made up. It sounds like a nice way of getting all the good stuff without a single trace of healthy food."

"A banana less banana split is a perfectly logical request," she smiled. "Besides, you wouldn't want to disappoint our son, would you?"

Billy leaned over, his hand touching her stomach as he smiled at her, "Absolutely not."

Phyllis placed the ice cream container on the table in front of her, placing her hand on top of his. "I still just can't believe it," she whispered. "I can't believe we're going to have a little boy."

"We gotta start thinking about names," Billy's smile continued to grow on his face until his eyes fell on Phyllis'-her eyes suddenly very serious.

"Maybe we should wait to look at names," she said softly.

Billy paused, recognizing her pattern. She couldn't let herself be too happy-not for too long. She was convinced it was tempting fate, not to mention the fact that she was convinced she didn't deserve it.

"Phyllis, we can talk about this baby. We can make plans for our little boy. We can be happy about our relationship-about our life. There's nothing wrong with that."

She sat quietly. "I just don't want to get too ahead of ourselves just in case...".

"Look at me," He took her hands in his... "Nothing is going to happen to this baby. We are going to be a family. We've earned it."

Her halfhearted nod was underwhelming but he kissed her hand gently as he glanced down at his ringing cell phone.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I have to take this. It's important." He handed her the ice cream. "Here," he smiled, "Don't waste good ice cream."

Billy stepped out of the room, bringing the phone to his ear. "Yeah, what did you find out?" He smiled as he leaned against the wall. "Absolutely-do it. I trust you. Whatever you think. Let me know as soon as you have any information." He paused listening. "That sounds great. Thank you. Oh, and I know this goes without saying, but you don't mention any of this to Phyllis, understand?"

Billy closed the phone with a sigh. This could mean so much to both of them.


	14. Chapter 14

**4 Weeks Later**

Billy closed his computer and stood up, reaching behind him for the suit jacket he'd draped over his office chair. "I think I'm gonna take off."

Victoria looked up, glancing over at the clock on the wall. "Oh, did you have a meeting or something?"

"No. I'm heading home. I've handled everything pressing. Everything else I can do from home." Billy looked at her, anticipating the onslaught of accusations.

She looked back down at her screen. "Ok, sure," she said quietly.

Billy stood still for a moment. "Vic, you feeling okay?" He smiled a bit as she turned around, her eyes glaring at him. "No, I mean seriously…where's the snarky comments?"

"You know what—I'm fresh out. Maybe when I figure out what the hell I'm doing with my own life, I'll feel more qualified to condemn other people or give them advice, but right now…with my mess…" She looked up at him. "You look happy," she said softly, a hint of surprise in her voice. "I can't believe it's with Phyllis, but I guess if she makes you happy…"

"I am, Vic and she does. You know, you'll find that one day..you will. Look at me—I wasn't even looking for it. I didn't really even find it. It kind of found me. I really hope you get that."

It was the first honest moment they'd had together in a long time. A moment that wasn't fraught with agendas. There were no hidden meanings, no games, no undercurrents of emotions. He looked at her and saw a woman he'd loved once, a woman that had given him a child, a woman he'd shared a life with, but he didn't see the love there anymore—he saw pain, emptiness, a longing for what once was. What he felt for her now was different—a compassion, a concern, a love of a different kind.

"I really should go, Vic. You gonna be ok?"

"Yes. Yes of course." Victoria sat up straight, turning back towards the screen. "I have tons to do to keep me busy. I won't even have time to think about what a sad state of affairs my life is in."

Billy nodded and walked out of the office. He had far more important matters to attend to at home.

* * *

He turned his key in the door, surprised she didn't meet him there. Phyllis wasn't one to sit around and it drove her crazy that she wasn't working at the moment. They'd argued over whether or not she should be at Jabot. She told him it would keep her mind busy, alleviate some of her anxiety. He argued that it would cause her more stress and keep her on her feet all day. In the end, they'd compromised. She could help him with some ad work for Brash and Sassy and she could do it from home. Distraction and comfort all wrapped up into one.

Billy stepped into the living room, noticing the packages on the living room sofa. He smiled as he walked closer. These were from a boutique he recognized. The pale blue sleeper was something he'd seen in the window weeks ago and he'd mentioned it to her as they'd passed. Though she'd been better about worrying as much, she still refused to talk about names and had been adamant they not buy things for the baby until they were sure everything would be okay.

There were several bags, the others filled with similar things—blankets, burp cloths, other baby basics. Billy sighed contentedly, happy to know she at least had spent the day doing something she enjoyed, even if he could be here with her. He placed the items back in the bag, and walked towards the staircase. Perhaps all the shopping had taken its toll on her and she'd gone upstairs to take a nap.

As he reached the top of the stairs, he could see the light was on in their bedroom and the door was slightly open. He was quiet, assuming she was sleeping. Stepping slowly into the room, he walked over to the side of the bed.

She shuddered. "Billy!" She sat up quickly, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I didn't hear you come in. How long have you been there?"

"I just got here. I came home from work a little early. What's the matter?" He gently touched her arm, trying to comfort her. "I saw the bags and the baby things. I thought you had a good day." His mind made the inevitable, horrific leap. "Did something happen? Are you ok? Is the baby ok?"

Phyllis shook her head, closing her eyes and placing her hands on his. In some strange way it helped knowing that she wasn't the only one who worried, whose mind automatically went to the dark spaces. "No," she said softly. "The baby's okay. It's just me….I'm the one that's falling apart."

"What do you mean?" He scooted beside her, backing up against the headboard to allow her to snuggle against his chest. This always calmed her and, in truth, the feel of her in his arms always had a way of making him feel better too.

"This," she said, reaching over across the bed and handing him a book.

Billy looked at it. "What's this?"

"A baby book," she said softly. "I thought it would be nice. I never really did one with Summer and with Daniel…well….things were different, so I thought this time since things were a little different, maybe I could do one."

"Sure." He kissed her forehead lightly as he opened the front cover. "I think that sounds like a great idea, but I still don't understand why you're crying?"

"Turn the page," she whispered.

He turned to reveal the family tree. There were spaces for grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. There were also spaces for godparents. He sighed, immediately understanding. His arms wrapped tighter around her.

"How do we explain this," she whispered, her voice breaking, as she looked up at him. "It's one thing for them to cut us out. We're adults. We can handle it, but how do you explain to a child why he doesn't have a family. How do we christen our son without godparents, Billy?"

Billy shook his head. "We'll figure it out. I don't want you to worry about this. It's completely out of your hands. There's nothing you can do about this. It's not something you even need to think about. Whatever my family decides to accept or not accept does not have anything to do with how we feel about our child. It won't change how much we love him or how we raise him."

"I know, but.."

"Hey," He touched her face, gently turning her eyes to look into his. "But nothing…I love you." His own eyes were now wet with tears as he stared into her tear-filled emerald orbs. The fact that his family had done this to her, to them made him sick inside. They had made mistakes. They had hurt people, but to condemn them both—to cut them out…it was cruel. It was heartless and it was hurting the woman he loved. That alone made it unforgivable.


	15. Chapter 15

The last few weeks had passed without much fan fare. Work had been incredibly busy with Cane taking time off to spend with his family. Victoria had been picking up some of the slack, but with two small children at home, she also had other priorities. This left Billy to shoulder much of the burden and he felt obligated, especially knowing he'd need time off in the very near future with the baby coming.

In truth, he didn't mind the work. He enjoyed the pace and the work itself was challenging. The only thing that bothered him was being away from Phyllis—especially knowing that she could use the emotional support. For the most part, she was doing better. She was excited about the baby and she'd even started talking over names with him a bit, but there were other times he could see the faraway look in her eyes.

Most recently, when he'd met her for lunch, he'd caught her watching a little girl with her grandparents and he could see the pain on her face. She felt responsible for denying her child that family connection and no matter how many times he tried to convince her otherwise, nothing could erase that kind of guilt.

"Billy?"

The familiar voice startled him and he looked up from his laptop quickly. He stood, his long legs making lengthy strides across the room. "Lauren. It's so nice to see you." He leaned in to place a polite kiss on her cheek before pulling back to study her expression. "What brings you by?"

Lauren smiled as she stepped into the office. "If you have a moment, I'd like to run an idea by you."

"Of course." Billy stepped back behind his desk. Lauren wasn't one to make impromptu visits and, as he searched the archives of his mind, he couldn't recall a single conversation they'd ever had. This was completely out of the ordinary.

"I know you're probably wondering why I'm here. I mean you and I have never really talked, but I wanted to run something by you before I went any further with it." She watched as Billy nodded. "I'd like to throw a baby shower for Phyllis."

Billy leaned back in the chair, his mind immediately filling with worries. He knew the intention was good, but a baby shower was only fun if people would come. At the moment the guest list was sitting in the room with him with the possible addition of Summer.

"Lauren," he began, "That's a really nice idea, but I'm just not sure.."

"I know what you're thinking…you're not sure anyone would show up."

"Well, I mean…my family isn't exactly fond of the idea and given that Phyllis doesn't have a whole lot of friends…I just don't know that we could pull together a guest list."

Lauren smiled at him. "That's why I'm here. I was thinking maybe you could speak to your family…see if some of them might consider coming. I'm not looking to do anything big….just a few people, some food—just something to let her know we care and that we're here for her."

"It's a really nice gesture and I'm sure Phyllis would be really touched, Lauren, but…"

"Start with the easier sells," she smiled. "Maybe Abby, Ashley, I'm sure Summer could get Mariah…"

"Have you met Phyllis?" Billy grinned as he drew in a deep breath. He knew Lauren was right. He had to try. Nothing made Phyllis happier than a party and nothing made him happier than making the woman he loved happy.

"I know she'll love this…and she'll love you for doing this. You make your rounds and I'll start pulling the details together. I'll expect a call tomorrow with a headcount. Sound good?" Lauren stood, her face fixed with a broad smile.

"You know, it's no wonder you've done so well in business," he muttered as he nodded in agreement.

* * *

The paper napkin now sat shredded on the tablecloth in front of him as he glanced at his watch. Abby was late, which wasn't a surprise, but Ashley was running behind as well which could mean she was stuck at a meeting or- He stopped, taking another small sip of scotch and trying to banish the negative thoughts. "Stop it," he whispered out loud. "She said she'd come and she'll be here."

"Talking to yourself, little brother? I told you a relationship with Phyllis was sure to drive you crazy."

He turned around as he heard her voice behind him. "Hey," he said softly, "I didn't know you were here."

"I gathered." She took a seat across from him, as she glanced around the room. "Abby's not here yet?"

"Not yet, but that's actually ok. I can go ahead and talk to you…that actually might work best anyway."

Her eyes narrowed as she stared at him. "This looks kind of serious. I had hopes that maybe you'd called me here to tell me you'd finally come to your senses, but I'm getting a very different vibe now."

He sighed, already feeling defeated. The sarcastic comments and little jabs at Phyllis weren't exactly positive indications of how this conversation would go. "I need to ask you something—a favor kind of."

"You need a favor from me?"

"From you and Abby and Traci too…if she can make it." He took a breath, already dreading the reaction. "Lauren wants to throw Phyllis a baby shower and.."

"You have got to be kidding me." The look on her face was pure disbelief mixed with disgust. "You don't honestly think I'm going to go to a baby shower to celebrate you being forever tied to that…"

"Ashley."

She was on her feet in front of him before he knew it, her voice hushed and angry as she leaned down towards him and whispered, "I cannot believe you actually have the nerve to ask me something like this. The answer is no…and don't worry, I'll call Abby and tell her not to waste her time coming here. You made your choice. You chose Phyllis over your family. You have to live with it now."

Billy sat in stunned silence for a moment before slowly picking up the phone.

"Lauren," he said, his voice quiet, "The shower—it's just not going to be possible. I can't convince my family to reconsider and to be perfectly honest—I wouldn't even want them there." He paused to listen to her response. "Yeah, a dinner would be fine. I think Phyllis would like that. You and Michael just let us know what night's good—and Lauren—thank you for trying. I'm sure Phyllis would really appreciate it."

He listened to the call disconnect as he pulled the phone away from his ear. His eyes fell on the red alert showing the unanswered voicemail. Quickly he brought the phone back to his ear, his eyes brightening as he listed intently. He'd have good news to share with Phyllis today after all.


End file.
